Saturday, September 10, 2005

there was something in the air that night, the stars were bright, Fernando

I feel it is not only fair, but necessary that I take us all back to that last year of the 20th century and, more importantly, the last year of one of the greatest decades ever. The year was 1999, and yours truly was graduating from high school—the last of the Gen Xers or beginning of Generation Y, depending on who you ask. We are a confused sort of people, existing not within defined sets, but on the boundary lines. The only thing we had going for us was the mostly great, sometimes horrid music that played us out of the millennium. (Damn, I should work in TV, writing voice-over copy for all those video montages you see between December 25 and January 1.)

I give you, the Top 100 songs of 1999 (courtesy

1. Believe, Cher—It’s sad that I can’t love the number one song. I love Cher, but I don’t believe in this song at all. (If you don’t believe me, check out Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode #58 “Living Conditions”.)
2. No Scrubs, TLC—a bitchy yet catchy song. I like it.
3. Angel Of Mine, Monica—never was a big Monica fan.
4. Heartbreak Hotel, Whitney Houston—wasn’t Whitney in rehab at this time? Or was she still shoving her fingers down her throat every 5 minutes and snorting lines of coke off of a Rolling Stone issue?
5. ...Baby One More Time, Britney Spears—damn, even I wanted to go to Catholic school.
6. Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer—blech. I liked it for about 2 minutes. Only made famous from She’s All That, a movie I’m sad to say I obsessed over for 3 minutes.
7. Genie In A Bottle, Christina Aguilera—Christina was the first woman I would ever let do whatever she wanted to/with me.
8. Every Morning, Sugar Ray—your name is Sugar Ray. No.
9. Nobody's Supposed To Be Here, Deborah Cox—who? What?
10. Livin' La Vida Loca, Ricky Martin—I still remember the first time I heard this song. I loved it before it was hate-able.
11. Where My Girls At?, 702—I should know this but I don’t
12. If You Had My Love, Jennifer Lopez—J-Lo before she was J-Lo.
13. Slide, Goo Goo Dolls—The late ’90 would not have been the late ‘90s without these guys.
14. Have You Ever?, Brandy—I think I was against young black women who only went by one name.
15. I Want It That Way, Backstreet Boys—The only Backstreet Boys song I ever turned the volume up for.
16. I'm Your Angel, R. Kelly and Celine Dion—do I honestly have to say something?
17. All Star, Smash Mouth—Did they have any other hit? If not, I like them because I have a soft spot for 1990s one-hit wonders.
18. Angel, Sarah McLachlan—I’m still making up my mind on Sarah
19. Smooth, Santana Featuring Rob Thomas—Awesome.
20. Unpretty, TLC—You have to TLC props because they were around AND had hits when I was graduating junior high (see this)
21. Bills, Bills, Bills, Destiny's Child—My favorite Destiny’s Child song. Unlike EEG, I have grievances against song titles that repeat themselves.
22. Save Tonight, Eagle-Eye Cherry—I know I didn’t like it, but I can’t remember why
23. Last Kiss, Pearl Jam—why don’t I remember this?
24. Fortunate, Maxwell—who’s Maxwell?
25. All I Have To Give, Backstreet Boys—sorry, I can only like these guys so much.
26. Bailamos, Enrique Iglesias—smoldering Hispanic singer. Ok, not so much smoldering, but I always sang along.
27. What's It Gonna Be?!, Busta Rhymes Featuring Janet—I love Busta, but I don’t remember this.
28. What It's Like, Everlast—ah, Everlast.
29. Fly Away, Lenny Kravitz—I love his big glasses, but generally I’m not getting off to his music.
30. Someday, Sugar Ray—I said, your name is Sugar Ray.
31. Lately, Divine--??
32. That Don't Impress Me Much, Shania Twain—I H-A-T-E country rock, or whatever the fuck she touts herself as singing.
33. Wild Wild West, Will Smith Featuring Dru Hill and Kool Moe Dee—I never saw this movie…probably because of the song.
34. Scar Tissue, Red Hot Chili Peppers—mad props. Though, I don’t think I ever understood any of the words.
35. Heartbreaker, Mariah Carey Featuring Jay-Z –I HATE HATE HATE Mariah, more than country rock.
36. I Still Believe, Mariah Carey—see above
37. The Hardest Thing, 98 Degrees—a boy band I never liked. Wait, did I like any of them?
38. Summer Girls, LFO—I cannot describe the feeling of disgust that washed over me anytime this song was played for the 2 weeks it was popular.
39. Can I Get A..., Jay-Z Featuring Amil (Of Major Coinz) and Ja—Amy Wenger, you made this song awesome.
40. Jumper, Third Eye Blind—Bands with the number/work three are just somehow cool.
41. Doo Wop (That Thing), Lauryn Hill—Lauryn is the essence of cool.
42. Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of...), Lou Bega—this was played at freshman orientation. Does anything ever good happen at freshman orientation? And the badness is always accompanied by equally bad music.
43. Sweet Lady, Tyrese—no clue.
44. It's Not Right But It's Okay, Whitney Houston—Whitney, aren’t you in rehab yet?
45. (God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You, 'N Sync—If I had to pick a boy band, I’d pick you, ‘N Sync, but definitely never this song.
46. Lullaby, Shawn Mullins
47. Anywhere, 112 Featuring Lil'Z
48. Tell Me It's Real, K-Ci and JoJo—These 2, I just wanted to turn them into 2-d cardboard cutouts and take them to archery class.
49. Back 2 Good, Matchbox 20—I feel like I was cheated the whole time I like Matchbox 20 because Rob Thomas has turned into an old Justin Timberlake.
50. 808, Blaque—who?
51. She's So High, Tal Bachman—what?
52. She's All I Ever Had, Ricky Martin—I *heart* Ricky, but not his ballads. Blech blech blech.
53. Miami, Will Smith—a Will Smith song I can get behind. Didn’t you want to go there after this?
54. Hands, Jewel—Jewel was on her way to selling out with this single and the its album.
55. Who Dat, JT Money Featuring Sole—who you?
56. Please Remember Me, Tim McGraw—country. Crap. Ah, alliteration.
57. From This Moment On, Shania Twain—country crap, as a ballad.
58. Love Like This, Faith Evans—I’m tired of you, country crap. And you’re blonde.
59. You, Jesse Powell—me what?
60. Trippin', Total Featuring Missy Elliott—I wish I knew what this was, cause I love Missy.
61. If You (Lovin' Me), Silk-??
62. Ex-Factor, Lauryn Hill—she’s cool, but I don’t know this.
63. Give It To You, Jordan Knight—though some people really may love Jordan, that’s a bandwagon I hope winds up in the pits of hell.
64. Black Balloon, Goo Goo Dolls—see, I told you it wouldn’t be the ‘90s without them.
65. Spend My Life With You, Eric Benet Featuring Tamia—it sounds bad, but since I don’t remember it, I’ll leave it alone.
66. These Are The Times, Dru Hill—that I don’t remember
67. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing, Mark Chesnutt—I think this is country crap. Maybe it’s just crap.
68. I Do (Cherish You), 98 Degrees—you’re just gross.
69. Because Of You, 98 Degrees—god, aren’t you fucking Jessica Simpson yet?
70. I Will Remember You (Live), Sarah McLachlan—so…UHGhhhh, but I liked it.
71. Chante's Got A Man, Chante Moore—do you, Chante?
72. Happily Ever After, Case—oh good, then I don’t need to worry about you.
73. My Love Is Your Love, Whitney Houston—so you’re not in rehab because you’re too busy making shitty music.
74. All Night Long, Faith Evans Featuring Puff Daddy—who is this Puff Daddy? He looks just like P. Diddy and Diddy.
75. Back That Thang Up, Juvenile Featuring Mannie Fresh and Lil' Wayne—you know you liked it.
76. Almost Doesn't Count, Brandy—what’s your last name?
77. Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, Shania Twain—even though you were in i *heart* huckabees, I still don’t like you.
78. Steal My Sunshine, Len—bouncy, peppy, and downright annoying. 1 ½ thumbs up.
79. I Need To Know, Marc Anthony--??
80. So Anxious, Ginuwine—you can spell!
81. Faded Pictures, Case and Joe—go away.
82. Back At One, Brian McKnight—oooooh, I know I didn’t like you, though I can’t remember your music
83. When A Woman's Fed Up, R. Kelly—…go find a 14-year old girl.
84. How Forever Feels, Kenny Chesney—probably shitty, if they’re listening to your music.
85. Amazed, Lonestar—I’m tired of making shitty remarks.
86. Sometimes, Britney Spears--…I wonder if you’ll grow up to be the pregnant trailer trash you were meant to be.
87. Ghetto Cowboy, Mo Thugs Family Featuring Bone Thugs-N-Harmony—shit, I really wish I knew this song.
88. Out Of My Head, Fastball—I think they were a one-hit wonder too, but I’m not sure.
89. Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem), Jay-Z—mmmm, no.
90. Jamboree, Naughty By Nature Featuring Zhane—memory fading.
91. Take Me There, BLACKstreet and Mya Featuring Mase and Blinky Blink—could you be featuring any more people?
92. Stay The Same, Joey McIntyre—what????
93. Lesson In Leavin', Jo Dee Messina—??
94. Iris, Goo Goo Dolls—and you thought they were going away.
95. Satisfy You, Puff Daddy Featuring R. Kelly—what a combo.
96. Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out), Citizen King--??
97. Music Of My Heart, 'N Sync and Gloria Estefan—2 wrongs totally bombed.
98. Write This Down, George Strait—“my music sucks.”
99. When You Believe, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey—ok, I hate you both, especially you Mariah, but I really like the Prince of Egypt soundtrack for some god-awful reason, so you each get one point. way to go.
100. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You, Alabama Featuring 'N Sync—pure hell.

I graduated from junior high in 1995. Now there was some great '90s music.


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