Saturday, August 20, 2005

Online Adultery: Exposed

The staff of Weenie Enema (i.e. me) is in the midst of an earthshattering investigative report concerning the Web site Yes, there really is an online dating service for horny married people seeking extramarital affairs. Clearly, I had to do some careful research on this, so I've gone undercover to try and comprehend the inner workings of deranged cheating creepy people. This was part of the email I received a few minutes ago:

Thank you for joining Private Affairs. Your discretion and satisfaction
is our top priority. Many of our female clients become a little nervous after
placing their ad, especially if they've never done this before. Second thoughts
are natural when undertaking the search for a lover. We strongly suggest
that you consider keeping your profile online for a minimum of 3 weeks.
You'll never know what opportunities you've missed if you don't give it a

Tell me that is not mouthdropping slash disgusting. There are literally people being paid (or are taking up a hell of a lot of their own time and energy) trying to coerce people into cheating on their spouses.

Our not clearly defined. Annie Carlton is going to be on this site, will undoubtedly get hit on by numerous horny gentlemen since she disclosed that she shaves and enjoys the cock, and will pry into the souls of each man. Now, as a veteran of fucking with horny guys in chatrooms, I'm aware that there is a ceiling for such manipulation. I'm obviously not going to have a steamy love affair with a dirty online married man, though the people looking for cyber affairs are so amusing that I almost feel obligated to indulge them. However, wouldn't it be more fun if I, say, got someone to meet with these men in person and have the said affair? Someone with no moral integrity, common sense or decency? A voicemail was left with Crazy Mego, so we will see how that part of the plan unfolds. If anyone would like to have an affair with a married man on, you should contact me. I promise I will select someone reasonably attractive. That is all.
Married Men I Would Sleep With:

If you say Arnold Schwarzenegger's name around Devra, she will swivel around and yell 'TUMAH!' That...really had nothing to do with anything.

Come on, Georgia O'Keefe cow skull, I'll take you on. Cunt.

Mother of God. How hot is that? I can't hate on Reese though. Her name is like Reeses.

Hell, I would do both of them.

I need to stop or I'll have to do laundry a second time this week. Ew, that even grossed ME out.


At 3:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Georgia O'Keefe cow skull
Great line. I'm _XstealingX_ improving on it. Deer skull.


Post a Comment

<< Home