Saturday, November 12, 2005

Kiera is the Elizabeth Bennett of my Heart.

It's a known fact that Natalie and Kiera bear a frightening resemblance to one another, the only difference being that Natalie is a hardcore Israeli with a barely discernible mole on her left cheek, and Kiera has a south English accent and a jaw that Hercules would have given his god-like testicles for. Observe:



It's uncanny.

The other difference between the two, at least until this weekend, was that Natalie was more badass. She's been in at least three really really good movies, and arguments can be made for several more. Hell, she wins hands down just for showing Clive Owen her poon.

"Now...tell me your REAL name."

"Thank you. My plain Jane Jones."


Anyway, I feel the blog audience should be reminded that I called for her Oscar nomination as soon as the credits started rolling on that masterpiece. My eye for pretentious orgasmic acting is unparalleled in the Western world.

In the background to this cinematic mastery was Kiera Knightley, slowly working her way through the ranks in Bend It Like Beckham and Pirates of the Caribbean. In those, she was just eye candy for the voyeurs who didn't have the strength to gape at Johnny and Orlando the whole time. However, Kiera is going to get her first Oscar nomination this year, I'm totally calling it.

My dear chum Abbi, who is responsible for me getting a promotion at work, as well as my consumption of about 10 different bags of Peanut Butter M&Ms, agreed to go with me to the free sneak preview of Rent. I was beyond excited, Rosario is about to break out in a big way, and I don't know anyone besides my loyal co-worker and that batshit Russian who actually like the musical. I can't count the number of times I've blasted One Song Glory in the cornfields of Jersey. The total would undoubtedly reach into the hundreds. So throughout the entire workday, I managed to make myself a social pariah by singing a healthy chunk of the soundtrack in anticipation of Rent goodness. It was not to be. They cut off the audience line two people in front of us, and I was devastated like the wolf. LIKE THE WOLF.

Thinking the night could still be salvaged, we scanned the list of movies playing, and after sneering at Chicken Little and Zathura, saw Pride and Prejudice. I am a huge fan of the book. I think Jane Austin is generally badass for promoting my name 200 years in advance. Besides, Kiera AND Donald Sutherland are both in it, and that's almost worth the insane amount of money they charged us. Besides, I take delicious satisfaction in knowing that I've read the book a movie is based on, i.e. The Babysitters Club. Heh.

What a badass movie. If a guy can ooze carnivorous sex appeal in pantaloons, it's worth its weight in gold. The only thing that sucks about this movie is Jena Malone, who is the definition of a waste of life in everything she touches. The camera work is amazing, and I'm not a film student, so I rarely notice technical shizzle like that, but during the ballroom scenes, the camera slowly travels throughout the rooms and shows everything worth knowing. Donald Sutherland is hilarious, and must have been on E the entire time they were filming this. Haha remember when Andi on Dawson's Creek went apeshit after getting accepted to Harvard and went on an E rampage and almost passed out in that inflatable moon walk thing?

Dear Pacey, I heart E. Love, Andi.

If you go see it, look for the scenes where Kiera wears long sleeves - those are the ones that were filmed while she was training for Domino, and they didn't want Elizabeth Bennett to have bulging biceps. I hate what I know. Kiera NAILS Elizabeth Bennett. I mean, unequivocally, must have contacted Jane Austin during a seance for advice nailed that character. I read some review that said the guy that played Darcy was bland and underwhelming, but it was clearly written by someone that didn't get that the essence of Darcy is in his subtle, supercilious mannerisms. People equal lame.



Post a Comment

<< Home