R.I.P. Rally Monkey. Oh Wait. You Tried to Kill Me. Eat Shit.

It's official: there was no rally in the House of the Monkey. I would consider going to a place that sounds like the bad movie Marlon Brando made right before he got ugly where he played that Japanese guy and squinted and embarrassed himself. Like Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's. "Miss Golightly. It 2AM!" Trainwreck.net. In honor of the White Sox mutilation of the monkey, here is a photo montage of a whole bunch of monkeys and a few hot people. Jeffrey Grimshaw sent me this ridiculous email about how I needed to get Chris Meloni's penis off my blog. What a weenie.

It smiles like Jonathan Lipnicki.
Oh my God. Guess what that kid looks like now.

You know you are a freak of nature if TOM CRUISE looks uncomfortable standing next to you. This is the same guy that hits himself with animal semen to get off. Poor Jonathan Lipnicki. And why does he think he's Aaron Carter? Ugh. It's like imitating a pebble on the street. Our prayers are with him to the end.

I may make the monkey a regular feature. Now that I got to watch him crash and burn, my love for him is coming back. Sort of like how Bobby beats Whitney and she comes back...except she keeps taking it. I would never let the monkey touch me again. Dear Whitney, you should have married Kevin Costner. He respects the black poon.

SNUFF!!!!!!! <3

Nick from Italian class has agreed to do something very badass and amazing, which is so not like him, so I feel we should indulge this temperament change. If someone can find out which dorm Chelsea was in when she went to Stanford, he will walk over there and take a picture of it. Why? I don't have a good reason, it would amuse me. I bet there isn't a single blog in the planet with a picture of that shit. It's like asking why Casper is the best movie ever. These things don't need long-winded explanations.

"Can I keep you?"

I'm doing an online experiment in which I randomly im people and ask if I can keep them, to see if they get it. It has been a disappointment, with the exception of Malsta Coppenrath.
MyDadIsAWeenie: can i keep you?
malsta48: HAHAHAHAHAHAAA
malsta48: oh devon
malsta48: SAWAWAWA
Most were like this:
MikeJ113: can you keep me?

God. Soulless bastards.