Saturday, October 01, 2005

Bloggers Heart Bordellos.

I want to find something to criticize in that last post, but it's unfortunately pretty accurate, though I feel the cobweb penis quote was taken out of context. And the pictures obscure parts of the links on the side, but after a post or two, that's going to be irrelevent as well.
What Michelle does NOT provide in her pictoral entry (did I just make that word up?)is the necessary background to explain why we're channeling Middle Eastern sultans on a bunch of throw pillows in Midtown.
Karol at Alarming News decided to hold a blog party last night for all the NYC-area bloggers out there. Now, I clearly do not have a history of frequenting bars and clubs in this city. I much prefer E. E. Grimshaw Discotech on 94th Street, with $1.25 Diet Pepsis and Winona movies. However, I felt it was my obligation as a blogger of sorts, to attend these festivities. Worse case scenario? I have an amazing adventure with computer nerds. Best case? Weenie Enema becomes famous and has to shut down so I can establish and have paid ads. That did not happen. But maybe it will at the next blog party.

So as much as I pretend that this blog is read widely in the tri-state area, it's not. I probably had no business being anywhere near K Lounge on 52nd, but I've never made a decision in my life based on being accepted somewhere. My biggest source of agitation was trying to figure out how I could get anyone to come to this with me. I suspect it's akin to asking my friends if they want to go see transexuals masturbate cows, although I have a lot of sick sick sicko friends, so that might not be the best analogy. Anyway, I knew my loyal co-worker Abbi would go with me, since she's a legitimate blogger who contributes to mine on rare occasions, but I couldn't think of a single other person that this would appeal to. Devra wisely chose to disassociate herself from this potential endeavor immediately, solidifying her position as the Most Rational Person in the Universe...That Tells Orsine Poop Jokes. Weenie Brian said he didn't think it was going to be fun, so we are officially not speaking. The list goes on. Just when I was at an utter loss, I remember that I have a Crazy Russian friend, who would surely be up for some Indian bordello goodness. She agrees. Then I remembered that Michelle was an alcoholic wannabe, so this would be a perfect opportunity for her to acclimate herself to some old lady drinks in a fairly civilized environment. We were set.

Inna is a We go into this K Lounge place, which is dotted sporadically with creepy blogger people. You could TELL they were bloggers, 90% of then were white guys with brown hair, around 30, with paunches and social disorders. I was amused, but Inna got creeped out. We get to the bouncer, and Inna announces she's not 21. She is asked to leave. Clearly, she knew what she was doing, but God damn. We hadn't even gotten into the tantric tavern and she was bailing. Since Inna is amazing though, I will start speaking to her within a day or so.

I'm not sure Michelle's pictures do justice to this K Lounge. There were pillows EVERYWHERE, and weird table things, with breast implant-afflicted waitresses that stole Abbi's credit card. We had a quasi celebrity sighting when this guy that looked like Wilmer Valderama, Benecio Del Toro and a monkey walked in. I was platonically in love. He was drinking a root beer. It slayed me.

Karol, being a diligent host, was going around the room and saying hi to everyone. As soon as I saw her coming near us, I KNEW there was going to be an awkward conversation, since the only thing we have in common are...computers. And K Lounge. Sure enough, she comes over, there is nothing to talk about, and somehow I manage to promote my Presidential 2020 campaign. I am the worst. That woman was so disturbed. I almost felt bad.

HOWEVER. Dawn Summers is my favorite person ever. We're clearly soulmates. I've never been to her blog, but I see her name coming up all the time on Alarming News. We are officially adding her to our incredibly tiny list of blog links. Right here. So she comes over to us and within two minutes, it's obvious that we were BFFs in another life.
1. She can quote lines from Beaches.
2. She is also pissed off that they switched the actresses that played Colleen on Dr. Quinn.
3. She knew what Sisters was.
Before I continue, I want to make sure all of my loyal readers realize what this amazing show is:

This is the best I could find. NOBODY gives this show any press. It's incredible. It has George Clooney getting blown up by a car bomb. Sela Ward! SWOOSIE!
I'm done.
Anyway, we hit the big time last night, and my teddy bear is getting neck surgery today. It's majorness defined.


At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Karol said...

I can't believe you thought our conversation was awkward?! I was like 'these girls are very funny and cool' and then went over to Dawn Summers and said 'go talk to those girls, I guarantee you will like them' and she was all skeptical and then spent the rest of the night saying how right I was about you guys. :-)


At 7:43 PM, Anonymous jocelyn said...

I was also asked to attend the party, but declined when hearing that the endeavore that followed would be to see amovie entitled "Deep Throat." I thought it was a bout Watergate, until Emma informed me it was in fact a soft core pron. At that moment, I tagged out of the whole affair.

At 7:45 PM, Anonymous jocelyn said...

ps i would like to amend my comment with the following spelling corrections:
1. endeavor
2. a movie
3. about
4. porn

I apologize for not proofing my work before posting.

At 6:58 PM, Blogger Fishhead said...

that was softcore? jocelyn you missed the greatest line in movie history. seriously.


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