Friday, October 07, 2005

Can the Angels Win A Championship with a Relief Pitcher Sharpei?

There must be at least five away messages right now saying things like:

Ahem. I will say this once. Once only. The Red Sox are a good team. They can even be considered badass in some quarters. Their leadoff hitter looks like a Neanderthal.

They have a clean-up hitter that has pants baggier than my universe pajamas. And sometimes he takes a bathroom break in the middle of an inning.

Stop bitching. You and your fucking curse grate my soul like nothing else. Despite this not winning world championships for decades, you WERE playing fairly consistent, good baseball for quite a while. Hell, I can't remember the last time the Red Sox were below .500. At least you got to play in October. Most people are just sitting at home, watching these games disinterestingly. Eat a dick. The only thing interesting about Game 3 of the ALDS is watching how many beers Spike Lee consumes. I count three so far.

"I hate crackers. I'm not talking about saltines."

Next up: I have finally found a use for Boy George, the subject of incredible fascination for a crazy lesbian that went to my high school. It was so cliche.
If you just looked at the headline, "Boy George arrested for drugs," you need to read the whole story to truly appreciate this majesty.
The singer, whose real name is George O'Dowd, called police from a Little Italy apartment around 3:14 a.m. and reported a burglary, said Detective Kevin Czartoryski, a police spokesman.

Officers arrived on the scene and discovered a small amount of cocaine next to a computer, police said. A woman in the apartment said there was more cocaine around and police were continuing to investigate.

WHAT? Does that make ANY sense? The only thing I can theorize is that Boy George went nutty on some coke, hallucinated, and decided to call the cops. I saw that happen once a few years ago in the middle of the woods at this weirdo bonfire party. This girl smoked some doobie, thought she saw monkeys from the Wizard of Oz in the woods, dropped her pot pipe, and I sold it to a stoner for $10. I feel it is very important to take advantage of non-sober people. It serves as a lesson to them, and you profit directly from it.
Another thought is that Boy George lost some crucial common sense along with his nasal cavity, but if you've seen his "hair" recently, that's not a very good theory.

Silly me. This isn't just a recent thing. Have you EVER seen Boy George with normal hair? It's like asking if you've seen Rosie write literate things on her blog. Which I am NOT going to link to, because it's an insult to humanity, or at least people with a minimal appreciation for grammar.

Since there's all this Supreme Court shizzle going on, with the hunkified John Roberts and the Swoosie Kurtz lookalike, I feel it is necessary to find the Most Badass Supreme Court Justice Ever. Nominations are accepted. I know Devra is voting for Louis Brandeis. Is this just a ploy to get people to comment? Eh, debatable. Winners will be announced tomorrow. If you don't know any Supreme Court Justices, or just know Thurgood Marshall because of Sidney Poitier's sizzling dulcet-toned portrayal, I suggest you go over to this helpful resource, so you can make an informed decision.
My nominee?

Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar. He will go down with Cotton Mathers and Samuel Gompers in the Orgasmic Historic Name Hall of Fame.

P.S. Inna's right. Brendon Donnelly is neckless. Ergo, he looks like a wrinkle dog.
Lets compare.



Post a Comment

<< Home