Sunday, October 30, 2005

Klepto of my Heart.

I don't know what possesses me to keep doing this every year, or more importantly, what possesses people to ATTEND, but Winona marathons are nothing short of amazing. There is no way to accurately document this occasion, though Michelle's stellar photography is certainly a step in the right direction. It was an occasion involving little airport Diet Pepsi cans, 3000 calories consumed by an Indian that basically took a subway to play PSP on the futon, Russian snarls, mustaches, Presidential casting deliberations and awe-inspiring cinematic greatness from the most underappreciated actress of this generation.
We had excellent attendance for an event that is historically elitist, especially compared to that 80-person Oscar party of yesteryear. It included Maximillion Bojangles, the Subservient Indian, Devra B. Bogangles/Vanzetti, the Vegan, the Russian, soulless people and Michelle, among others. There was horrible acting, from Keanu Reeves scenery-chewing to Kirsten Dunst's perpetual look of constipation (which was exacerbated when Winona beat the SHIT out of her, ensuring her second Oscar nod - pun!), to sapphic sex scenes between Meryl and Glenn and Vincent Gallo's fisting of Winona.

Picture this, but smaller.
Weenie Enema thanks those who attended, and socially dismisses the people who claimed they were going to come but overdrew their debit accounts because they don't have a sense of fiduciary responsiblity or morals...which are needed to attend Winona's birthday party. Thanks also go to Inna for behaving and not slaughtering people, Kunal for not allowing the molestation of my stuffed bulldog to progress further and Michelle Williams, who was excellent in an episode of Dawson's Creek that I watched earlier in the day.
"And I can take all the jerks in the world climbing out of my bedroom window, but when Dawson Leery does it, it better be for me."

On a non-souless note, several of us had a conversation in the wee hours of the morning about how our parents were really upset about JFK Jr dying because he was this larger-than-life mythic figure that they grew up with, and we don't really have one because everyone is cunty in this day and age. We settled on Chelsea Clinton as the equivalent for today's generation.

If this family adopted me...I would totally be okay with it.

In honor of Winona's 34th birthday...a Winona montage of brilliance - chronologically.
Lucas - 1986:

Beetlejuice - 1988

Heathers - 1989

Edward Scissorhands - 1990

Mermaids - 1990

Dracula - 1992

Age of Innocence - 1993

Little Women - 1994

Reality Bites - 1994

How to Make an American Quilt - 1995

The Crucible - 1996

Alien Resurrection - 1997

Girl, Interrupted - 1999

Lost Souls - 2000

Simone - 2002

Oooh...we probably shouldn't include images of the trial. My bad.


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