Karl Rove WISHES He Created A Conspiracy Like This

Anyone with a TV slash ears knows who Jennifer Wilbanks is. The product of a redneck and a frog, Jennifer decided that it would be fun to flip out and travel across the country so she wouldn't have to marry someone more attractive than her. If that wasn't enough, she then proceeded to tell cops that she was kidnapped, as if anyone would tie her up and willingly look at her for more than 30 seconds. Dismissive shake of the head. As if anyone could forget the face of this loon, here is a visual reminder sure to result in at least an hour's loss of sleep tonight:

God, she looks like she's drugged up on about 50 meds there. Why more stories haven't been done about the pathetic waste that wanted to bed this thing until the day he died is beyond me.

There are two other tenants to this story that have NOT been given virtually any attention. Let me refer you to young Gregory Despres, a wayward 22-year-old with a penchant for mutilation that makes Jeffrey Dahmer look like the kid I made out with that smelled like Fig Newtons when I was three. Good times. Station wagons <3. Anyway. The quick story here is that Gregory, for reasons unbeknownst to the common man, went to a home in the Canadian province of New Brunswick on April 23. He then took a CHAINSAW and hacked up an elderly couple living in said abode. The story gets infinitely more bizarre. After his geriatric butchery, he makes for the United States border. Now, surely the immigration authorities will see this fellow covered in blood, who STILL HAS THE BLOODY CHAINSAW with him, along with brass knuckles, a homemade sword, a knife and a hatchet, and scratch their jowls and think to themselves, 'Hmm. Is that strawberry jam or an old man penis on the end of that chainsaw?' Apparently this question was NOT asked, and Gregory was allowed to drive down to Boston. Don't look at me. I would have given him 12-hour rectal exams for the hell of it. Unfortunately, since the Clintons moved to Chappequa, my opinions are rarely sought out by the powers that be. Growl. Anyway, since I'm sure EVERYONE is craving a picture of this blood-spattered Canuck dot dot dot

Now, this is where the frightening conclusion become inevitable. Look at the ocular beauties on these beastly creatures. These two were obviously separated at birth. More importantly, they can only be after one thing - a bug-eyed hegemonic state akin to the Third Reich. It makes perfect sense. The supposed reason Jennifer bolted from her doormat was because he wouldn't put out, i.e. procreate and help create a new race. Gregory is trying to exterminate the weakest people in the world, albino cripples the Canadians. With the help of our immigration authorities, who allowed a blood-soaked hophead into the country whilst believing a deranged patho's story about being kidnapped, these two will have no problem producing frog-eyed fetal wonders for the next generation to worry about.