Monday, July 31, 2006

Olivia Pees on Doors and Pops Air Mattresses.

But she's still my baby. Mad <3 for the cat that has made it into the top three in the Meow Mix House.

Oh, and she doesn't like old dogs that just wander into the apartment. She wasn't mean so much as she just stared at Cody constantly and scared the shit out of him. Also, I have the best movie collection ever.

Yes, she has developed habits of scratching at Drunk Erin's door, making unearthly noises, running sprints across the kitchen floor and then immediately conking out, and she has been trying to kill the same fly for a week. I think she's wearing him down. Everybody needs to vote for her here.
The end.

On to my neverending quest to acquire mainstream validity for past Vice-Presidents.

Weenie Enema only focuses on the VPs who never became President, because nobody EVER remembers them. Who remembers that Nelson Rockefeller was VP between 1974 and 1977? I know people who can't remember past Al Gore.

To be fair, this was probably one of those deals where he had been spelling it like that forever and NO ONE bothered to correct him. Like when I used to pronounce chauvinist as 'cawvinist' or niche as 'nishay' or knowledge as 'nolidge.' I have heard I am insanely intimidating. Maybe someone thought if they corrected me, I would bust a cap. To this day, Inna is the only person who ever corrects mispronounciations, misusage or generally bullshizzle that comes out of my mouth. That is not to say that I'm encouraging others to correct me. I stew and sulk for hours after that happens. I think I just managed to explain why Dan Quayle spells things wrong. Anyway.

Today's VP fact of the day:

Everybody knows something about Aaron Burr. In fact, one of the very first conversations that DB Bogangles and I ever had was about Aaron Burr. Most people are aware of the fact that, unlike me, he actually DID bust a cap on poor Alexander Hamilton, immortalized on the $10 bill. But beyond that, nobody cares and/or was not given a proper education on Mr. Burr. Here's the dizzle.

After Burr capped Hamilton and his term as Vice President ended, he got the hell out of New York. I suspect Mr. Hamilton had a few friends who were very much alive and could have done some serious anal-related damage to Mr. Burr. Just a hunch. So Burr gets involved with this intense plot to basically create his own country in the Southwest, in present day Texas. That way, he would be able to control everything roughly beyond the Mississippi River, which, if successful, would have put a serious damper on all that shizzle about manifest destiny et cetera. I would guess the Oregon Trail would have ended about 50 miles out of Independence, Missouri, making the computer game irrelevent. I'm just assuming Burr would have killed all of the buffalo and bears in the game. If they DID make a computer game out of a revamped Oregon Trail, my guess is that after Fort Laramie, Burr would show up and gut your oxen and take off with the wagon tongues and axles. Tough shizzle.

I think I'm the only person who ever typed 2.

Burr spent a good chunk of his conspiracy planning at the coolest place ever. The home of Harman Blennerhassett. I am naming the next pug I see that. Harman Blennerhassett Bojangles. Harman Blennerhasset was this guy from Ireland who married his niece and got thrown out of Ireland and ended up living in this amazing house on an island in the middle of the Ohio River.

It's technically in West Virginia, making it the only object in the state not named after Robert Byrd.

Very soon, Michelle and I are going to start working on an extensive preview of what the Oscars for 2007 should look like. The only time I watch TV/movies when a Mets game isn't on is when I'm getting pumped up for my annual superficial/pretentious celebrity goodness.
Just in case you didn't know -
Best Actress.

Goya's Ghosts. Tell me I'm wrong.


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