Saturday, January 21, 2006

In Which A Crude Analysis of the Golden Globe Predications Takes Place. And There Might Be An Ariel Sharon Update.

Michelle has decided to quit the livejournal game, which is definitely to Weenie Enema's benefit, as she plans to write fairly consistently during the Torino Olympics and whatnot. We equal excited.

Now, I was pretty blogged out after that insane entry I did last week for the Golden Globes preview, so I took one in a series of unannounced sabbaticals, but I am back per sempre.

Since the Golden Globes are history and the much more important colossal stupendousness of the Oscars is almost upon us, I will make my recap as brief as can be done, under the circumstances.

The party was clearly more of a success than anything that went down at that cesspool last Monday. I had about a 50% success rate, but Heath and Michelle went home Globeless, and no one got really drunk and made an ass of themselves like Sharon Stone did a few years ago. The most cringe-inducing moment came before the Awards even started, when Nancy O'Dell asked Hilary Swank how Chad Lowe was doing. Ouch. Does she not read page 666? Shrug.


However, we thank everyone that attended the festivities, especially since the said party was relocated 80 blocks north. If that's not loyalty to us, it's at least a strong desire to sup on our Upper East pizza and make fun of Jamie Foxx's head tattoo.

The two most expendable people on the face of the planet.

See? I told you I would be brief. I am nothing if not honest and tactless.

Oh, and I've decided to add an Ann Coulter segment every week, which will merely include what I deem to be her most amusing quote from her batshit column. This week's column was about my BFF:
As Hillary explained, the House "has been run in a way so that nobody with a contrary view has had a chance to present legislation, to make an argument, to be heard."

Yes, that's what was really missing on plantations during the slavery era: the opportunity to present a contrary view. Gosh, if only the slaves had been allowed to call for cloture votes. What a difference that would have made!

Madam Hillary also said the Bush administration "will go down in history as one of the worst that has ever governed our country." While Hillary is certainly qualified to comment on what the all-time worst presidential administrations were, having had firsthand experience in one of them, I think she might want to avoid the phrase "go down in history."

Heh. On an unrelated note, several of us will be following her home from Fox News next week with tear gas to disprove the theory that she is unable to cry. We'll have that crazy bulemic sobbing in seconds. I kid because I <3.

The Ariel Sharon Update.
Ariel is still alive, and his vital signs went apeshit last week when someone in his hospital room mentioned his favorite food, which I can only assume has more calories than Lindsay Lohan has engulfed in two years. We will keep you posted on this story. His replacement, Ehud Olmert, looks like a coked out Vladimir Putin.

I'm sorry, that Russian is just


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