Monday, February 06, 2006

I'm Sorry. I like the O.C. Eat Me.

Before I forget, I must include a brief tribute to the Best Commercial Ever. Now, I really don't know what went down at that Super Bowl last night. I know that the Steelers won and that some guy on their team looked like Fitty Cent. I think his name was Joey.

'Been hit wid a few shells, but I don't walk wid a limp.'
I am. So. Black.

My loyal Filipino Pre-Med Comrade (I know, I have Russians, vegans, legit crazies, Jocelyns, weenies, and bears just wandering around here. My social life is the answer to the question, 'What does Andy Dick hump to convince people that he's bi, rather than a raging buttoholic?') suffered through some weirdo MCAT thingy and then trooped uptown to rate commercials with me. It started out promisingly with this guy dressed like a hamster talking to Ronald McDonald. I have no clue how that commercial was supposed to convince people to eat those nasty heart attack sandwiches, but that's what you have to realize about Super Bowl commercials - they absolutely don't have to make sense AT ALL. Lets say you're walking down the street and a gorilla in a shit-encrusted diaper runs by singing 'Everybody (Backstreet's Back).'Think about the face you would make at that. Your eyes would bug out, you'd momentarily lose muscle control around your mouth, and your overall facial expression would be teetering on the edge of hysteria. THAT'S the look a successful Super Bowl commercial should bring out in the minions.

God, you were SO looking for the diaper. Sick bitch.

That said, I was mildly entertained by several commercials before...
my life took on additional meaning.
Budweiser had about six or seven commercials last night, all of them fairly adequate. Nothing prepared me for the amazingness that was...the sheep streaker.
Now, it doesn't take much to get me going. All I need is some anthropomorphic goodness where some animals shake their shaved ass and leer at the camera, and I'm pretty much set for all eternity. Budweiser fulfilled all of that and then some. If you go to the official site and click on the icon for Super Bowl commercials, you can see this majesty under the clip 'Super Fan.' Jesus. I have watched it 10 times already, and I basically have a six pack slash no control over any part of my lower extremities. Tomorrow, in honor of Tuesday, I will be doing a top 10 list of my best celebrity encounters since I arrived in this grimy cesspool in August of 2002. Expect to see both Moby and Bob Saget on the list.

Lets see...we have two anorexics, both of whom may be snorting lines of non-carbonated Coke, a meth head, and Dave Coulier, the singularly unfunniest man in the history of all things. Bob, how did you score this family? I think Bobby Brown has a better track record. He just hits his wife.

"Republicans are desperately trying to convince themselves that Roberts will be different because they want to believe Bush wouldn't let us down on the Supreme Court. Somewhere in America a woman is desperately trying to convince herself that her husband won't hit her again because he told her "things are going to be different this time." (And yes, that woman's name is Whitney Houston.)"


Post a Comment

<< Home