THE MR BALL EXTRAVAGANZA INTERVIEW

If you will recall, I resolved to get an interview with Mr. Ball, a Facebook alter ego. For those who are unaware, Facebook is an Internet community that connects college students to one another at virtually every school in the country, as well as some in Canada and the UK. There may be a few other countries involved, but I plead ignorance. You can search for old friends on it, or classmates from your own school, and it's insanely addicting.
To add to this complex fixture, Facebook allows you to have alter egos, so you could theoretically become friends with Hillary Clinton or Christian Bale, if you wanted to. Arguably the most prolific Facebook alter ego, at least at NYU, is Mr. Ball.

Since there are undoubtedly still some people confused about this, I'm supplying the vital information listed on Mr. Ball's page:

Basic Info
School: NYU '08
Status: Undergrad
Sex: Male
Concentration: Fine Arts
Gender and Sexuality Studies
Residence: Lafayette Street 406
Birthday: 10/12/2004
Home Town: Ballsville, BALLIFORNIA
High School: Ball High School
Contact Info
Screenname:
I am Mr Ball
Mobile: 696.969.6969
Websites: http://www.cafepress.com/mrball
http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/mrball
Personal Info
Looking For: Random play
Whatever I can get
Interested In: Women
Men
Relationship Status: Single
Political Views: Other
Interests: bowling, tennis, rolling, bouncing, recycling, hallway racing, Bottle Knocker, throwing apples against the wall, limbo, water fights, short-circuiting fire alarms, Might Magazine, breakdancing, wishing people a Happy Birthday, poking people, defeating the Axis of Evil
Favorite Music: AC/DC and Nancy Sinatra, Yatta, Tunak Tunak
Favorite Movies: Balls of Fury, Dodgeball, Great Balls of Fire, Meatballs, Monster's Ball, Spaceballs, BASEketball
Favorite Books: John Steinbeck's The Balls of Wrath, Might Magazine, A Staggering Work of Heartbreakingly Ball Genius, anything by Honor� de Balzac
Favorite Quote: "If it feels good, do it..."

"Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire!"

"You gotta have brass balls if you want to survive."

"Let the good times roll..." ~The Cars

"A rolling ball gathers no moss..."

"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world. "

"It's hard to be humble when you're from NYU"
About Me: I'm 3 feet wide and 100% paper, baby...
I'm the world's largest paper ball...

I've applied to be the new NYU mascot, but John Sexton keeps turning me down...Fighting Violets? Bobcats? That's rubbish...who doesn't love a giant ball?

I live in the closet, next to Steve's cello and the surplus toilet paper...

I love being rubbed...counter-clockwise, baby...

Vital Statistics
Height: 3’00’’
Weight: 25 lbs
Girth: 3’00’’
Diameter: 3 feet
Circumference: 3(pi) feet
Surface Area: 4(pi)(1.5)^2 square feet
Volume: 4/3(pi)(1.5)^3 cubic feet

For more Mr. Ball information (including total # of friends, FAQ, and photo gallery), check out my website!!!

According to his site, Mr. Ball currently has 2,590 friends on Facebook, and a hell of a lot more at other schools. Today, I finally got my interview with the elusive Facebook icon.

Further understanding:

MyDadIsAWeenie: E.E. Grimshaw
I am Mr Ball: Mr. Ball
wehateallmovment: Weenie Brian
SweetPie91285: Inna Rudman
LOcO Joe: some friend of Weenie's


You have just entered room "iheartmrball."
I am Mr Ball has entered the room.
MyDadIsAWeenie: mr ball!
I am Mr Ball: Hello
MyDadIsAWeenie: we are here interviewing the most famous facebook...thing ever
MyDadIsAWeenie: weenie, do you have any questions
wehateallmovment: mr. ball, what should I eat for lunch?
MyDadIsAWeenie: no!
wehateallmovment: it's a valid question that will probe deep into mr. ball's psyche
I am Mr Ball: lol...Well, as long as it isn't paper, I'm happy:-)
MyDadIsAWeenie: okay, mr ball - can you explain what you are
MyDadIsAWeenie: some people don't have facebook
MyDadIsAWeenie: weenie, also, maybe we should explain how we know mr ball
I am Mr Ball: Well, I am a 3 foot wide paper ball (made of only paper and love), I was created last year in Oct. and I would like to be friends with as many people as possible
wehateallmovment: um, emma met you at one point
wehateallmovment: then she talked about you to me
wehateallmovment: she might be planning on kidnapping you
MyDadIsAWeenie: weenie!
MyDadIsAWeenie: stop it
MyDadIsAWeenie: now, i would like to discuss the time when i actually met you
I am Mr Ball: Please remind me
MyDadIsAWeenie: as i recall, you had a herd of young men come down in blazers with mr ball pins in their lapels
I am Mr Ball: Ah yes, that was a special day, for I had the pleasure to meet you.
MyDadIsAWeenie: what sort of training do these guys have
MyDadIsAWeenie: they had a pre-rehearsed speech about mr ball et cetera
I am Mr Ball: They were selected after a rigorous aplication process and trained to care for me for days.
I am Mr Ball: Whatever they said was not rehearsed though.
MyDadIsAWeenie: they knew how many friends you had
MyDadIsAWeenie: both at nyu and throughout facebook
I am Mr Ball: The reason they knew how many friends I have is because it is easly found on facebook itself. They knew the total friends from me telling them though.
SweeT Pie91285: what does Mr. Ball represent?
I am Mr Ball: I do not actually represent anything, for I am simply an entity like you are. I am made of paper and only have the goal being friends with as many people as possible.
MyDadIsAWeenie: last time i checked, you were stationed on the fourth floor of the lafayette dorm, correct?
I am Mr Ball: Yes, I am now in room 406 of Lafayette.
MyDadIsAWeenie: so how were you transported from the brittany dorm to lafayette? that's a pretty considerable distance
I am Mr Ball: Over the summer I stayed in a summer house on the beach and then was brought back to Water Street for a few days. After that, my roommates helped by carrying me back to Lafayette.
MyDadIsAWeenie: did you have to use one of those big mother carts
I am Mr Ball: No, I did not use a mother cart (for getting me to Lafayette I'm assuming you mean), my roommates simply carried me.
wehateallmovment: which historical ball do you identify most with?
I am Mr Ball: I would say that I do not identify myself with any ball in particular, but rather with all mankind. We are all one in the same, with similar goals.
I am Mr Ball: I wish there could be peace on earth, and one way to accomplish this is through facebook. It allows me to create a community of anyone who wishes to join.
I am Mr Ball: By having many friends on facebook, it creates a community. For I do not discriminate who can be my friend or not. Everyone is welcome and I ask them to do so.
wehateallmovment: so, ball/mankind relations are peaceful?
I am Mr Ball: Yes, my relations are peaceful with all those that wish to return that peace.
SweeT Pie91285: but doesn't this defeat the point of facebook -- which is a way of searching for old friends and acquaintances, building your OWN circle of friends, maintaining friendships, etc. doesn't being friends with EVERYONE distort this
I am Mr Ball: Well SweetPie, facebook is meant to search for your old friends, but it is also used to search for and meet new friends. This is why being friends with many people does not distort this.
I am Mr Ball: While it is true that I was not friends with many of these people before this, it does not mean that I would not like to be their friends. For I am a friendly ball that wishes to be friends with anyone who wishes the same.
SweeT Pie91285: mr. ball do you know mr. met?
I am Mr Ball: I am sorry, I do not know Mr. Met personally, but I would be honored to meet him.
MyDadIsAWeenie: how much do you weigh? you look light and paper-like, but i recall you being rather tough and hard upon touch
I am Mr Ball: I weigh about 25 lbs, but I haven't weighed myself in a while. I would hate to see if I gained weight. lol
MyDadIsAWeenie: how long did it take to make you
SweeT Pie91285: how many parents do you have?
wehateallmovment: and did they have sex to produce you?
I am Mr Ball: Well, unlike the 9 months that it takes for a human to be born, I was created in only a few days. Since then I have changed in apperance, as can be seen in my pictures.
I am Mr Ball: I have 2 parents, Anita and Hairy Ball. But I grew up in 705 of Brittany.
I am Mr Ball: For the question on how they produced me, I wish not to answer it, for it is a private question.
wehateallmovment: or a question of privates...
MyDadIsAWeenie: weenie brian! stop that!
wehateallmovment: what???
MyDadIsAWeenie: inna, can you answer a question that will help our readers understand the whole concept of mr ball better
MyDadIsAWeenie: what is facebook
SweeT Pie91285: facebook is a networking tool providing college (and now high school students) to connect with old friends, make nonchalant, usually rare conversation, and align with "friends" via mutual bonds
MyDadIsAWeenie: how do you make these friends? are you just randomly friending people everywhere?
I am Mr Ball: I simply go around schools and randomly ask to be friends with people. This leaves it up to them to be friends with me or not.
I am Mr Ball: Other than that, I accept any friends request that I get from other people
wehateallmovment: why did your parents abandon you? were they drug addicts?
I am Mr Ball: My parents are not drug addicts, nor did they abandon me. I simply came to college. To tell you honestly, I am offended that you would ask such a question.
MyDadIsAWeenie: hypothetically, if someone did kidnap you, what would happen to your profile on facebook? would it reflect the fact that you had been kidnapped?
I am Mr Ball: If I was to be kidnapped, I would have one of my friends start a search for me. The use of facebook would be up to them.
MyDadIsAWeenie: do many people, besides me, attempt to meet you or actually engage you in legitimate conversation
I am Mr Ball: Yes, I have had the request to meet with several people and I have talked to thousands of my friends over facebook and AIM combined.
wehateallmovment: are balls granted universal suffrage?
I am Mr Ball: I have the same rights as any other person or enity on this planet. I am not familar with all the laws however.
wehateallmovment: I have trouble believing that and would like to see your voter registration card
MyDadIsAWeenie: weenie, stop provoking the ball
wehateallmovment: I don't provoke. I probe
wehateallmovment: this is serious investigative journalism, not barbara walters shit
I am Mr Ball: That is a fair question to ask, but I am not registered to vote. After all, I am only 1 year old.
MyDadIsAWeenie: i just went to your facebook page and it shows that you have a website and a cafepress site
MyDadIsAWeenie: can you explain that?
I am Mr Ball: Yes, the webpage was started a while ago to give my friends more information about myself. This has not been updated for a while however.
MyDadIsAWeenie: if someone wants to meet you, how do they go about it
I am Mr Ball: If anyone wishes to meet me, they can simply come over to room 406 of Lafayette. I am always there and always willing to meet with everyone.
MyDadIsAWeenie: the cafe press site is more intriguing to me - someone could theoretically buy a shirt with your face on it. has anyone?
I am Mr Ball: The cafepress site was orginally made as a joke by one of my friends. I now control it and I make sure to keep the prices as the losest they can be. I do not have it to make a profit of any kind, it is for the enjoyment of my friends
I am Mr Ball: Yes, there has been a few sales made on cafepress by some close friends of mine, but I do not know otherwise. Since the financial sheet on the site only shows profits made from sales, I never know if someone bought something.
I am Mr Ball: Because the prices are at the lowest (no profits made on the sales)
SweeT Pie91285: why isn't Mr. Ball married?
I am Mr Ball: The reason I am not married, is because I have not found the right enity to settle down with. If I do find such a person, I may consider marriage.
wehateallmovment: what's the average lifespan of a ball?
I am Mr Ball: If attended to properly, a ball can live forever. But one must be careful with all these fires now a day.
wehateallmovment: are you mr. ball?
wehateallmovment: your need to declare a fact which should be obvious reveals underlying uncertainty
MyDadIsAWeenie: weenie! we talked about the provoking
wehateallmovment: it's thought-provoking, not provoking-provoking
I am Mr Ball: Yes, I am Mr. Ball as I have stated prior.
L0C0joe has entered the room.
MyDadIsAWeenie: who's locojoe?
L0C0joe: I'm your worst nightmare
MyDadIsAWeenie: raised eyebrow
I am Mr Ball: I do not know locojoe. It is nice to meet you though.
L0C0joe: nice to meet you too.
L0C0joe: oh great, dunn invites me then leaves.
L0C0joe: someone explain what the fuck I'm doing here.

We will end this momentous occasion with a Mr. Ball Photo Montage.