Tuesday, January 09, 2007

An Anti-Cat Bias in the Media. (guest post by Olivia the cat)

Hello, Weenie Enema readers! I would like to thank Emma for letting me have some face time with her audience today. Since I spend most of my day staring at Ingrid or sleeping, this is a huge opportunity for me to be mildly productive. I would like to call your attention to a news story out of Australia that I found when I went on Emma's laptop before my 9am nap. An Australian bank issued a credit card to Messiah, one of my feline counterparts Down Under. Her "owner," Katherine Campbell, went through the process of putting Messiah on her credit card plan as a demonstration of how shoddy the bank's security procedures are.

Excuse me? Why isn't the media taking the time to acknowledge how INNOVATIVE this bank is? Bridging the gap between cat and man is crucial, and the Bank of Queensland is responding to a pressing need in the feline community. We're already at a stunning disadvantage in this cruel, cruel world, forced into a life of menial domestication and reality shows we have no control over. Humans berate us for misleading reputations of being self-involved and uncaring, when nothing could be further from the truth. Our species has risen far above the inane stupidity of the canine. We bury our feces, don't attempt to sexually ravage nearby legs when the opportunity presents itself, and our grooming capabilities elevate our natural scent to the stratosphere. But no. We're SELFISH because, like the humans who unjustly criticize us, we need our alone time. We don't DEPEND on the people who provide us with shelter and food for constant attention and love. And because we unintentionally showcase man's neediness and desire for lower forms to bow down before them, we are not labeled as their best friend - that job goes to the mindless creatures whose idea of a good time is inhaling the putrid stench of a fellow dog's urine on a fire hydrant.

Once again, I thank Emma for letting me voice my inner thoughts to her small, but lovely blog community, and I would like to make it perfectly clear that the above diatribe directed at humanity in general in no way correlates to my personal feelings about Emma. She is very nice and smells like Ocean Breeze Caress Body Spray.

In conclusion, cats should have bank accounts in both the Northern and Southerm Hemispheres, and here is a picture of me sleeping on the bottom shelf of Emma's video commode next to three seasons of Law and Order: SVU, which has a character named Olivia. It's probably just a coincidence.


At 4:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm always impressed with your skills Olivia.


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At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Olivia Rulz!!



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