Thursday, February 07, 2008

Perhaps The Only Marcia Gay Harden-Centric Post WITHOUT the Ubiquitous Dog of Posts Past.


A few days ago, it was brought to my attention that Weenie Enema improbably has managed to acquire a new fan. As my two readers know, with the exception of random co-workers, relatives and friends, visitors rarely come by, and when they do, they usually get creeped out by the gratuitous shots of pug vulvas and leave immediately. However, roughly every two years or so, Weenie Enema snares an additional fan from cyberspace. It's always cause for celebration, and this time - in the hopes that the word will spread that new fans will be rewarded with accolades and will flock here in droves - we are composing a post in honor of the random stranger who typed "Marcia Gay Harden's cousin" and found us.

Is it not totally sick that I actually FOUND image results for "pug vulva?" This was the only one that didn't actually show the vulvas in question. Thank me later.

Since it wouldn't make a lot of sense to write a gigantic post about someone I don't even know (and no, that is not a swipe at my Ariel Sharon posts and my upcoming "Nixonian Goodness" post. I feel like I TOTALLY know them), I have decided to devote a blog post to actresses with three-word names. For the really hardcore Weenie enthusiasts, you may recall that roughly a year ago, I wrote a blog post about hot tweens from the 90s with three-word names. This is totally different and doesn't give off the disturbing pedophilia vibes that that one did.

Yes, I did read that puppy. A good time was had by all.

1. Marcia Gay Harden. (MGH)

How could we not start with the epitome of the three-word name? I don't pretend to be an MGH scholar (except sometimes, when I'm in the company of people who would actually believe that), though I remember being very confused when she beat out Kate Hudson - someone who at one time was overrated, but whose mediocrity has definitely caught up with her - for an Oscar because I had never even heard of "Pollack." In a brief digression, I would just mention that I once had a next door neighbor who had a plump black cat named Jackson. The neighbor became extremely offended when I asked if the feline was named after our craggy 7th President. "No!" he huffed. "He's named after the ARTIST." I frowned. "Michael?" The neighbor then basically gave me the finger without actually giving it and stormed back into his hovel, but I figured out after the fact that the cat was probably not named for The Gloved One.

At any rate, I still haven't seen "Pollack," but I DID pay $10 to see "The Invisible" last year with Drunk Erin, which featured MGH in a small role with the up and comer Margarita Levieva, who I'm convinced you'll hear more from, provided she stays away from crap like that from hereon in. I'm trying to remember why we actually saw that in theaters, because I have a rule about seeing movies released after Oscar season. Frown. MGH was also truly excellent in "The Mist," where she gets to sneer at someone and say, "The day I need a friend like you, I'll just have myself a little squat and shit one out." Heh.

Best MGH Role:
It's a tough call, but I would say that her two-episode role on Law and Order: SVU as a fake Kleagle edges out her excellent work in "Mystic River." But just barely.

The word Kleagle always reminds me of Bugles, those funnel corn chip things.

2. Sarah Jessica Parker. (SJP)

SJP and I have had a rough go of it, mostly because I can't understand why someone would work as hard as she clearly does to have basically 2% body fat...AND STILL WON'T GET RID OF THAT WART ON HER CHIN. Incredibly distracting. If Matthew Broderick really loved her, he'd make her zap it off. For the good of everyone. That said, I always thought she was perfectly fine on Sex and the City, though most of the people I know absolutely hate her on it. I'm thinking a lot of that hatred is just left over from despising the trashy Journalism majors we all had to endure back in the day, and is more a reflection on the cunty character than her acting ability. Feel free to disagree.

Best SJP Role:
Are you kidding? Hands DOWN, the wonderful classic "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," or as I like to call it, "Before SJP Used Tweezers (But Still Had The Wart!)" An honorable mention is extended to her small role in the Natalie Portman satirical masterpiece "Mars Attacks!"


In the interest of being accurate and whatnot, I was just about to add Robert Sean Leonard to this list, mostly because of his excellent dancing in the Christian Bale nazi epic "Swing Kids," but I realized at the last minute that I had already stipulated that this list would be composed of actresses. No matter. Another post will follow one of these days.

Ooh, and also, the random new fan of Weenie Enema has a blog - http://puritanjamshort.blogspot.com/
It looks much fancier than mine and reminds me of pancake mix packaging from the 1940s.

3 Comments:

At 7:07 AM, Blogger mindy said...

No, no, no! SJP's best role was in "If Lucy Fell". That is such an awesome movie and is also "Before SJP Used Tweezers (But Still Had The Wart!)".

Also, is that really a wart? I don't know what else it would be, but anyway, I still love her - warts & all!

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger e.e.grimshaw said...

Whoa. I have NEVER heard of that movie. What is this? And if that's not a wart, I'm hard-pressed to think what it actually is.

 
At 5:45 PM, Anonymous ErnestBorg9 said...

i love that you mentioned robert sean leonard!

does lee harvey oswald count?

or how about barbara bel geddes?

 

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