Would you like a free stress test?

Outrageous leaps in female marginalization are nothing new to the twenty-first century. The formerly bouyant posterity of "women's rights" has been regressing faster than Courtney Love's sinus cavities into polititely petite oblivion. We're losing our respect and keeping our fetuses, apparently. Not surprising is Katie Holmes' latest dip into the world of Dianetics, a la Tom Cruise. God forbid he respect his "self-determined woman's" personal views. Maybe getting sucked in is part of the deal, promote the film, hide the gay lover, earn some extra cash with your cult...

Yesterday Yahoo! reported that dun dun dun, Joey's converting to Scientology. You know, if I could fuck Tom Cruise on television, I can think of a few people who might convert to Scientology too. But why? Is Katie Holmes that desperate for an acting career that she is willing to sacrifice not only her independant thought but her religion as well? Did she even have a religion before? Did she want one? Why is religion suddenly a bonding mechanism between couples? We've all seen Guy Richie and Hugh Jackman waving their Kabbalah books around. My parents have been married twenty one years, my mother a staunch Catholic from birth, and yet watching The Passion of the Christ with my father a few weeks ago, he kept asking me who everybody was. "What's the deal with this guy?" "Why is that chick popping in and out with the snake?"

There's a Scientology center on Tottenham Court Road in London, featuring slightly balding, well-dressed men out front offering pedestrians a "free stress test." I always decline, but wonder later what their strategy is. "Well, you're stressed. Have you thought about bringing Dianetics into your life?" The typical reaction would seemingly be, "Maybe if it came with Tom."

Why is it that a slightly outrageous and recently fabricated religious organization is able to suck in people like Kirstie Alley and Tom Cruise, in addition to the infomercial viewing middle-American couch potato crowd? I don't know any business professionals preaching the goodness of the Kabbalah, or anesthesiologists holding Dianetics meetings in their homes. I think it's obvious that these seasoned actors know a good project when they see one, and can hit up a money-making opportunity like no one else.

But what about Holmes? Is she really that shallow? Desperate? I keep looking toward the unfortunate alternative, yet another woman in the media with no self-possession, marketing herself as a Chanel-clad Barbie doll in an attempt to build a "career." Scientology's just her version of Linda Perry.